I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
