There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
