Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
