We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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