i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
