And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
