It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
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we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
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Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?