I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
