new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
