i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
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Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
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I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
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