dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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