im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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