you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
