So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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