Don't make out with my wife yet
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
