Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
