we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
