my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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