I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
