A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
