just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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