you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
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Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
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I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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