I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
