Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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