do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
