she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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