I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
