You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Ladies don't puke and tell
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
