wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
