I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
