Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
