can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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