I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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