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we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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