I just threw up on my dentist
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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