Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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