Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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