I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
