she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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