that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
