You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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