dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
