its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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