We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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