He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
