I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
nutella sex= disaster
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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