Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
