I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
