Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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