Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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