Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
