can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
