He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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