the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We left the knife in your bed.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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