that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
