my vag is so smooth its legendary
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
