their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
