I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
