her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
