i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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