You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
