My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
