??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
