I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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