before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
