My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
