the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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