So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
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I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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