on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
